End it.

14 Apr

On facebook today, I updated my status with this:

“ohhhhh the anxiety… when will it end? never, I suppose.”

I get anxious a lot. I always have. I like to have control over things (duh) and I hate the unknown. Well here I am in a situation where I don’t have very much control and my whole life is a giant unknown. I don’t know if I’ll have a job in the fall. If I do, I don’t know where I’ll be working or what challenges I’ll face. There’s also the whole pregnancy thing. I don’t know if I’ll be pregnant soon or if I’ll have to go through more fertility treatments or if I’ll be able to have children at all. This is one of the hardest times I’ve faced in my adult life, I think. I am most definitely at a crossroads. 

My friend Michelle commented on my status and said:

“decide to end it. :)”

I wish it were so easy, but she has a point. I have faced many challenges this year, but I’ve also grown a lot and I’ve taken several steps forward. Yes, I still get anxious and have moments when I feel like my world is imploding, but instead of letting it take hold of me, I take a deep breath, go to yoga, talk about it, write about it, and move on. Back in December, I wasn’t able to do that. I would spiral out of control into despair. Thanks to therapy and myself (pats on the back) I am changing and growing.

So, while I haven’t ended the anxiety, I’ve definitely learned how to deal with it and I’m getting better everyday. And that’s a great feeling.

Photo taken by my husband.

4 Responses to “End it.”

  1. MICHELLE April 14, 2011 at 2:22 am #

    Awesome!!! Glad I inspired you. I always remember what my momma told me and that is I create my own reality. I can choose how I feel at any given moment. It's definitely much easier said than done. We can't always control our lives or the cards we are dealt, but we can control how we react to those situations. We can choose to be happy. And that's a nice thought.

  2. Brynn H. April 14, 2011 at 2:45 am #

    Amy, I am feeling a lot of similar emotions right now (minus the fertility issues). It's very difficult to have so little control over our jobs, especially when it has nothing to do with our ability or talent. Michelle – I love the advice, and I am going to work on "ending it," as well. Thank, ladies!

  3. Amy April 14, 2011 at 10:28 pm #

    @Brynn H.With support from each other, we'll get through it!

  4. Amy April 14, 2011 at 10:28 pm #

    @MICHELLEIt's a very nice thought. I hope I can choose to be happy more often!

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