I miss my friends

7 Dec

My online friends, that is.

When I started blogging about our struggles TTC, so many women reached out to me who were also facing similar challenges. I bonded with these women over the internet and still follow their stories, as documented online. A few of them are now pregnant, but many are not and my heart aches to think about the pain they must be feeling.

Now that I’m pregnant, I know many of them no longer read my blog. How could I blame them? I remember I didn’t unsubscribe from any blogs of pregnant women during my year + of TTC and I hated myself for it. Every time I’d see a post by yet another pregnant woman, so many emotions would flood through me: longing, anger, jealousy, despair. This goes for social media, as well. I even wrote a post about how hard it was to see status updates about the aches and pains or even the joys of pregnancy. I always thought I’d be different when I was pregnant – I wouldn’t be like them. Haha… well, I’m sure you see what I’ve turned into…

I do try to be mindful about things I write in posts and status updates, but this is my life! It’s impossible to censor everything while still being honest. Plus, I want to document this time in my life so I can look back years down the line and remember how it felt to be pregnant for the first time. Also, I have every right to experience the joys of pregnancy, just as all women do. I have to remind myself of that everyday: it’s ok to enjoy this. It’s ok to feel so happy inside I might burst. And it’s ok to write about those feelings.

Right?

While I’m sad that I no longer have these connections with other women who are still struggling with infertility, I am happy that I’ve made new ones with other pregnant women and even moms. And I know one day my old friends will join me on this new journey.

5 Responses to “I miss my friends”

  1. Angela December 7, 2011 at 1:25 pm #

    I am still a faithful follower! 🙂 I am extremely hopeful for the future for myself, but at the same time, that doesn't mean I am jealous, angry, or hurt by the fact that YOU got pregnant! On the contrary! I am overjoyed that you conceived and this pregnancy stuck! It offers hope to me that it can happen for us! :-)xo,A

  2. Kelsey December 7, 2011 at 2:06 pm #

    I definitely feel this way too. Only, mine aren't online friends, they're real life friends and I feel so terribly guilty. It's a really hard balance.

  3. katherinebee December 7, 2011 at 4:59 pm #

    You should be happy and shouldn't censor yourself! It's wonderful that you're mindful of everyone's feelings, but make sure to enjoy everything too. We bitter infertiles will live. 🙂

  4. The Less Than Domestic Goddess December 8, 2011 at 1:08 am #

    I'm still here! I wasn't around for most of your TTC struggles, but sorta caught the tail end, and your BFP. I've been on the quiet side comment-wise, but always rooting for you. 🙂 This is your journey, and you have every right to enjoy it. If anything, it shows you have a kind heart to take into consideration the women out there struggling with infertility. It is much appreciated!

  5. turtle girl December 8, 2011 at 2:29 am #

    I know I'm not in either category, since I haven't even started trying to have kids yet, but I completely agree that you have every right to enjoy this time in your life! And it's fun for me to read about since it's not that far off for me (I hope!).

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