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Vision Board 2011

31 Dec
As we say goodbye to 2010, I am looking forward. I’m looking forward to so much this year and I just know it’s going to be a great one. Here’s what I’m focusing on and manifesting for 2011:

1. Keep fresh flowers in the house. Especially my favorite, peonies.

2. Continue taking yoga, pilates, and core classes. It has done wonders for my body and mind lately.

3. Indulge in simple pleasures. I’d love to get some of these sky lanterns for my birthday.

4. Read more books  and watch less TV.

5. Always to put LOVE first. Don’t let fear or anxiety get in the way.

6. I will get pregnant this year. If I don’t, life will go on.

#reverb10: Let Go

5 Dec

Author: Alice Bradley
Let’s Panic About Babies
Prompt: Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

This year, I learn to let go of perfection.

I let go of my perfect plan for having a baby at the perfect time. I feel so much pressure lifted and I know I needed to experience this in order to grow and move forward.

I let go of any hope that my father would change – that he would apologize to me and become the father I always dreamed about. I’m now free!

What have you let go of this year?

#reverb10: Wonder

5 Dec

Jeffrey Davis


twitter JeffreyDavis108
book The Journey from the Center to the Page

How did you cultivate a sense of wonder 
in your life this year?

Hmmm… well, I like to wonder. I’m a wonderer by nature. I’m always daydreaming and thinking about all the possibilities that my life has in store for me. One way I have created a sense of wonder is to pay attention. There are times when life gets hectic and people, myself included, forget to pay attention to what is happening around them. Gaze at the sunset when you’re stuck in traffic on your way home from a busy day at work, stare at the wind blowing through the trees on a sunny afternoon, watch how your children (mine are furbabies) play and discover and learn how to see the world with new eyes from them.

taken with my phone on the way home from work yesterday

Do you take time to wonder?

#reverb10: Moment

3 Dec

Ali Edwards

Ali Edwards

Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).

I was in Australia and had just finished walking through the Royal Botanic Gardens. Following the path to the left, I realized I had stumbled upon the best view in the city. My camera had run out of batteries and my global phone didn’t have a camera, so I had to do my best to imprint the scenery in my memory. I sat on a rock with the waves of the Pacific Ocean splashing at my feet and looked at the view of the Harbor Bridge and Sydney Opera House. The sun was shining, warming my face as the cool breeze of the ocean tickled my neck. There were some high school age kids nearby by posing for pictures and a couple with their cute little girl watching her play. Once in a while a jogger would go by and I envied them as they probably got to see this amazing view daily. The ocean became bluer the farther out I looked and I was tempted to just dive in a go for a swim to taste the salt of the sea. Later, I told my husband that day was the best day I had on the trip. Now I realize it may have been the best day of the year. I was truly at peace.

#reverb10: One Word

1 Dec

Today’s prompt for #reverb10 is One Word: Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you? (Author: Gwen Bell)

Rollercoaster. That is actually supposed to be two words (as spell check kindly reminded me), but I’m going to mush them together to make one. This year has been quite a rollercoaster!

The highs:

Riding bikes in the spring.

Celebrating one year of marriage.

Maintaining this blog.

Going to a taping of Glee.

Date night with my husband at the Eclipse premiere.

Free trip to Australia!!

Adding a new member to our family: Jackson.

Whale watching.

Getting cast on the new HGTV show, Secrets from a Stylist.

Camping with good friends.

Getting in tune with my body again.

The lows:

Losing my sweet Teddy bear.

My perfect baby-making plans going out the window.

It’s funny: I thought I’d have a lot more lows to include. Lately, I’ve been feeling like this year wasn’t a happy one for me, but if I look past these two bumps in the road, I can see that I had a great year. I learned a lot about myself and have started changing the way I think so that I can be more open to the good things in my life and less depressed when something doesn’t go according to plan.

One word I hope will capture 2011: peace. I want to find my peace, through the good times and the bad. I want to share that peace with the ones I love, helping them find their own peace in their lives.

What one word would you use to describe 2010?


18 Nov

I’ve been seeing someone and it isn’t my husband.

Yes, I’ve been seeing a therapist. And I think I’m in love.

After I had a semi-major breakdown at work on the second week of school, I decided I should check out my mental health benefits. I had been wanting to go back to therapy (I saw a therapist for a while in high school) for a while, but it took be losing my s–t at work for me to finally make the call. At only $10 per visit, I could definitely afford this minor expense to try to fix my major problems.

What do you see?

I’m not sure if you’ve figured this out yet, but I have issues. I have daddy issues, abandonment issues, control issues, anxiety issues, self-esteem issues… and more where that came from. Last week, I cried every other day. Literally. Why? Because every time I think about babies or pregnancy or my period that is now over a month late, negative blood pregnancy test and all, I have a physical reaction and start crying. At my last therapy session, we finally figured this out. It isn’t that I’m dwelling on the fact that things aren’t going well in the baby-making department (though sometimes I do dwell, not denying that), it is that I have a Pavlov’s dog type reaction that I have a very hard time controlling. It doesn’t help that everyone tells me I have to calm down and relax in order to get pregnant. All that does is make me feel worse about myself – like it is all my fault and if I could just magically flip my “relax” switch, I’d get pregnant in an instant. 

A couple of sessions ago, my therapist suggested I try meditation so that I could clear my head and stop the cycle of worry that leads to an anxiety attack – or losing my s–t. I checked out some books on meditation and realized that I wasn’t going to be able to clear my mind on my own. As I was reading, I remembered the guided relaxation I always loved at the end of the yoga classes I used to take when I went to the gym.

DUH! Yoga! That’s kind of like Oprah’s “Ah-ha!” moment, but Amy style.

So, I went down to my former gym and signed back up. I feel like I can’t really afford the extra $35 per month, but I know it will work out somehow; it always does. I took a mat pilates class on Tuesday and a yoga class on Wednesday and I already feel SO much better. I feel more at peace and I haven’t cried in at least 4 days.

Here’s an update on what’s going on with my screwed up cycle and baby-making plans: I went to the doctor last Thursday and had a blood test which was negative. I’m having another test today just to make sure I’m not pregnant. If all is clear, he will most likely give me something to start my period (oh joy). He also said that he would prescribe me clomid with this next cycle. However, after discussing it with my (wonderfully supportive and completely un-crazy opposite of me) husband, we decided to hold off on fertility treatments/drugs for now. I’d like to just take the next few months to get in shape – both physically and mentally – and start charting my basal body temperature to see if my body will go back to normal on its own. Then, if I feel like I want to try clomid at some point, I will. If not, I won’t.

I also went off caffeine last week. It has been fun at our house!

What do you do to keep yourself sane?

Moving On

16 Aug

I didn’t really finish the Australia re-caps, but I’m over it. In the two days that were left, I ate a whole lotta fish, including some cheap, but delicious sushi, and bought a travel pillow for the airplane ride home. I probably slept a total of one hour on that 14 hour plane ride home, but oh well. I watched a bunch of movies!

Sooooo… I saw this post today in my reader and decided to write my own “things I don’t want people to know” post.

Deep breath. Here we go…

1. I used to hate tomatoes. In the last few years, I have convinced myself to like them. I now realize I only hated them because my mom did. My dad used to say that to me when I was little and I denied it, but now I know it was probably true.

2. If nobody ever came over to my house, I would never clean it. I only clean for people coming over, not for myself (or my husband).

3. I am probably the laziest person I know. I would rather lay in bed all day than do just about anything. The only time I feel like I really want to go DO something is when I am allowed to be lazy (like on Sundays) and I feel a need to rebel.

4. Yes, I want a baby and all the love that brings, but another reason I want to get pregnant is so I can have an excuse to be fat.

5. I am seriously cheap, but I can’t save money if my life depended on it. I wouldn’t spend more than $20 on a single item (think shirt, purse, housewares), but I will easily spend $100 at Target on a bunch of random crap.

6. I have OCD tendencies. I might have piles of  laundry all over the floor, but if someone moves a vase or picture frame, I have to move it back.

7. I failed at the wedding coordinating business. I don’t love it and I’m not that good at it.

8. I am completely addicted to my crackberry. I check facebook and twitter at least every half hour. I check my google reader at least 10 times a day.

9. My mom still pays for my cellphone. If she ever stops, I don’t know if I will be able to afford the crackberry and then I’ll have to deal with that addiction.

10. I don’t shower everyday. I usually shower every other day, but sometimes every three days. I rarely smell bad, though. I swear.

So there you have it! I’m already embarrassed…

After the rain

6 Apr
I love how everything looks after it rains…
I took this photo yesterday right after it stopped raining. The church who uses my classroom on Sundays had left my blinds open and since the view was so gorgeous, I decided to leave them that way (usually, open blinds on a busy boulevard leads to distracted teenagers). I wish our city was smog-free like this everyday.

Ok, ok, I love LA

26 Jan

I used to think I didn’t like living in Los Angeles. I don’t like really hot weather and in the Valley, where I live, it gets really hot in the summer. I always wanted to live in a suburb of Seattle.

Ever since my best friend and I visited the area after I graduated from college and drove from Seattle to The Gorge, I have wanted to live with this in my backyard.
Lately, the weather in LA has been pretty wet. If it rains here, which it rarely does, it will rain for a day or two and then it’s over. Last week, it rained for six days straight. It is supposed to rain today and then again this weekend. I have noticed that I yearn for the warmth of the sun. I want to be able to go on a hike or bike ride without dealing with mud and drizzle. Maybe sunny southern CA is the place for me after all…

My Peace

25 Jan

Check out the view of tonight’s sunset from our backyard.

Wow, that is gorgeous.